Soccer

A tidbit in honor of the men on the field

by

Sabine
(sabine.clement@vrt.be)



INT. THE LIVING ROOM

MAXWELL AND NILES WATCH SOCCER ON TV. THEY EACH
WEAR THE UNION JACK AROUND THEIR SHOULDERS AND HAVE A RED,
BLUE AND WHITE STRIPED HAT ON THEIR HEAD. FRAN LEAFS THROUGH A MAGAZINE.

MAXWELL
(ECSTATIC) That ball was out, man! That ball was out!

NILES
That ball was out indeed! Come on, flag it!

NILES BLOWS A TRUMPET. C.C. ENTERS WITH A MOBILE PHONE.

C.C.
(TO PHONE) No, we want an orange shine on stage. I need the natrium lamps. (WALKS IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION) I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

NILES
Babcock, move your butt out!

C.C.
(TO PHONE) Could you repeat that please?

NILES
I said move your butt out!

MAXWELL
C.C., get away from the telly!

C.C.
(TO PHONE) Of course we want high frequency! Alright, I'll hold. (TAPS MAXWELL'S SHOULDER) Maxwell, listen--

MAXWELL
Illegitimate action! That was hands!

NILES
It was hands alright! Boo!

C.C.
(MOVES IN FRONT OF MAXWELL). Now Maxwell--

MAXWELL
Obstruction error! Obstruction!

C.C.
(JUMPS AWAY) Soccer suckers. (TO FRAN) I tell you, when they're like this, you can't do anything right.

FRAN
Ya think?

C.C.
Oh come on. Nothing sensible can get through to the--

FRAN
(JUMPING UP) Corner, corner, there's our chance! What? That ain't off-side! That ref blind or somethin'?

MAXWELL
Hear that Niles? That's my gal!

FRAN
(SHRIEKING) He didn't go for the ball, he went straight for Batty's legs! That oughta be red! You betcha that's a penalty! Yeah!

MAXWELL, NILES AND FRAN JUMP UP.

FRAN
GOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

MAXWELL HOPS AROUND WITH FRAN AND PLANTS A FIRM KISS ON HER
MOUTH. THEN HE AND NILES SING "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN".

FRAN
(TO C.C.) Well. He scores, I score. Perfect marriage. Wanna beer?


THE END



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